Break, if we shall?

Hello... I hope all you are doing good!
Well, let's see, first of all, I want to apologise for not posting quick enough; I really do hate that fact, but I can't do anything to help that sadly.
So, I noticed I don't really communicate with you as other bloggers do, so I decided to make this post, to reach out for you! Whoever you are, I'm reaching out for YOU!
Honestly, for me, life's been a tornado of shit. Everything keeps getting worse and worse. Everyday I wake up to hate myself more and more. Have I gone through self-harm? I unproudly do admit I have... I have cut myself a few times. I tried to use things that would damage my brain tissues. I tried to use pills that I knew were harmful. Yes, I have done that. No, I'm not proud! But this is who I am.
I'm actually passing through a nervous break down. I keep crying over every memory, of every thing. My heart keeps shattering over every little thing. I have wished to die, so many times that I lost count. I felt depressed for over 5 years now. Do you know how is it like to laugh, but not actually feel happy? To smile, but still feel hurt? To give out love, but feel hated? To share happiness, but feel miserable? Do you know? Well, I hope not.
Depression, self-harm, and suicidal attempts are growing more and more at this period of life. People are hating on their lives more and more, for several reasons. Some has been bullied, some had mental problems, some had family problems, some lost very dear people, and the list of reasons will go on. Each has their own problems, and each has their own way of working things out... I have been too weak infront of my problems, which I cannot mention, and I acted stupid and let them get to me. I let the pain spread into me and take over my soul. I didn't ask anyone for help, I just cried myself to sleep daily for too long, I self-harmed, not because it'd make me feel better, but because I hated myself too much that I would do anything to hurt myself.
Okay, enough talking about me! This post is for you! Are you facing any problems? Whatever type it is, are you facing any? Are you suffering? Do you feel hated? Manipulated? Lied to? Back-stabbed? Mis-understood? Judged? I don't think you're any of that. So many people love you! Think first of your family and best friends. What would happen to them if something bad happened to you? They will break apart.
Who am I to say anything like that? Who am I to know if anyone would even notice? I am a person who shares your pain! I have gone through so much, and it will kill me to know that you harmed yourself cause you thought no one cares, even though I care!
Need to talk? I'll listen.
Need advice? I'll help.
I'm here for YOU.
You can talk to me at anytime and all the time. I will never judge, I will never tell, I will never ignore, and I will never reject anyone.
Just talk to me, and I'll be here for you!
Remember to never stop smiling, and know that I love you and I care.

Twitter|Kik: SoCalledBlogger
Ask.fm: http://ask.fm/SoCalledBlogger :]

Chapter 9

"Mama Haya has a gathering at her house tomorrow, so I won't be able to make it, sorry!" said Shaikha as she furrowed her brows while looking at her phone. "Ugh Shaikha do you have to go?" Leen said as she put her phone down and frowned. "Yeah I do, I haven't seen them since eid!" replyed Shaikha and then quickly said excitedly "YOU WANNA COME TOO??" "Noo, we came over in eid, and that was already too much intruding, we can't" I said while rocking my head slowly with the back of the chair cause I had a terrible headache. We have 1 more month for mid year finals, so we wanted to go out as much as we could; cause we would have to stay home and study too much for the finals, so we had a deal that we'd go out tomorrow for lunch then go get movies and the supermarket, then go to Leen's house and watch movies till night then we'd sleep over. "What! You guys are family!" Shaikha sat straight and looked at me. "Shaikha no it would really be too much!" I said and frowned at her "Okay suite yourself babe" she said and smiled "So we're off tomorrow?" asked Leen "I guess, let it be next week" I answered "Okay then driver's gonna be here in 30 minutes, do you want me to drop you Lulu?" "No, it's okay I'll call my driver" "No, I'll drop you off, come on" "okay" I answered Leen, we all chatted and recalled funny memories. -Phone ringing- "Okay, come on Lulu that's our call, bye Shaikha" Leen got up and wore her abaya, and so did I "So soon you guys? Can't you stay a little longer?" Shaikha frowned at us "Too soon? Honey, it's 12:30, I'm dropping Lulu off then going home. Put that in mind" Leen answered right away and walked out of the room. I grinned as I shook my head and said "She can be so bossy sometimes" then followed her. "Leen!" Bader's voice was shocked "Um hi!" he said quick after he realised he was staring at her eyes "Hey Bader" Leen smiled shyly and looked down "You look gorgeous!" he said and raised his eyebrows. Leen laughed -of course Shaikha and I stopped at the stairs once we heard his voice, cause we didn't wanna disturb- "Oh, thank you, that's very nice of you" she said as she looked him in the eye and kept staring for about 30 seconds then quickly realised and looked down. "Umm, there's a thing I really wanna tell you, but I never find the right time to do" he paused "I don't even know if I should bother, but I can't keep it in forever, nor can I just say it!" he noticed the clear look on her face then continued "I don't know how to even say it" he went a step closer to her, reach her chin and lifted it gently with his index finger, so she'd be forced to look at his eyes. Her large eyes widened even more with mixed feelings of surprise, excitement, and of course love. "I love you" he said the sentence ever so slow -Shaikha and I looked at each other with plain shock but happiness- Leen of course looked away as she blushed. Bader was staring at her waiting for an answer "If you don't share that feeling with me, I absolutely understa-" Leen cut him off right away with a hug, she burried her head in his chest and I could hear her wheeping, Bader looked as shocked as we were with her reaction, but he quickly recovered as soon as he heard her wheeping "What's wrong Leen? Are you offended by my words? I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you upset! Just forget I ever said this! Please don't cry" he looked more worried than regretful. Leen answered with another loud wheep. Bader put one arm around her back and the other he held her head with "I'm sorry... I'm sorry" he kept whispering over her head. "Why is she crying? Didn't she want this?" I whispered to Shaikha "I don't know, let's wait and listen. Leen's phone ringtone interrupted, I got so mad, I didn't wanna go before knowing how this would end. Leen ignored it and kept crying between Bader's arms. She finally managed to say "I've been waiting for this for so long, I never thought how I would even react" after 2 minutes. Bader pulled her out, held her face with his gentle touch and looked at her in the eye "So you're not upset with me?" "Of course I'm not" his eyes shined with happiness after she said that then he kissed her forehead and said "Oh if only you knew how much I love you" she smiled at him warmly, he ran his thumbs under her eyes to wipe her tears off "You're more beautiful while smiling" he whispered his eyes full of warmth and love. She blinked, trying to hide her grin, but even her eyes showed happiness. "Uhm, Lulu's taking too long" Shaikha and I quickly ran up a few stairs, pretending we were talking there. Leen and Bader came to us, both's faces were shining so bright with happiness. "Hi Lulu" Bader said then laughed "Hello" holding back my laugh. "Come on, we're late, it's 1:00 already" Leen said and smiled the most wide smile I'd ever seen. We headed to the car, Leen was smiling non-stop, I didn't say anything, I wanted to wait for her to talk. We got to my house, I hugged her then went inside. I heard wheeping once I stepped incide, but it stopped right away, I looked inside the living room, I saw mom's head, I entered, she had a pair of sweatpants and a black tank top, and she her hair pulled in a loose pony tail, her eyes were as read as tomatoes, and her face was as white as a plain paper. I dropped my bag, sat beside her, and hugged her, she started crying again. "Mama what's wrong?" I asked worried "Oh it's nothing, just hormones dear" she cried louder, which indicated it obviously was not about hormones, but I said nothing further more. She kept crying and crying nonstop, which made me feel confused and weirded out... Why am I so sensetive sometimes, but then other times I can't even show sympathy? She stopped crying after a while, she just got up, excused herself and left to her room, she shut the door very slowly and gently. I took my bag, went to my room, wiped off my makeup, got into my cozy sheep-printed pink pyjamas, and I slept. I just did, didn't take time, I didn't get into my usual tornado of thoughts.
I woke up at 12:45, showered, applied my "nude face" makeup which is concealing blemishes, light/natural pink lipliner, lash darkening mascara. I wore my favourite pair of jeans, paired it with my batman sweatshirt, and my black sneakers. It was 2:00 when I went downstairs, lunch was pasta, so I had my lunch then decided I'd go out shopping, so I did. I went out and was done by 9:30, I decided I'd get my dinner from Elevation Burger. I exited the car, heading to the door "Lulu" I heard a male voice yell as I was really close to the stairs before the door I turned around to see Waleed. I smiled at him. "What are you doing here?" he asked having an amused look on his face. I didn't see anyone with him, but some guys from the tables outside were looking, so I guessed they were his friends. "Getting dinner obviously" I smiled. He grinned "I meant why are you alone" "Oh, I was shopping, and I'm done, so I decided I'd get dinner." "Hey, I don't want to hold you up from your friends, they're waiting for you" I said hoping he wouldn't consider it rude or whatever "What are you talking about? My car's parked there, I'm going to Dunkin Donuts and there's no place there" he said raising an eyebrow "Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that I saw a group of guys staring, so I thought they were your friends..." I felt ashamed "Don't be, they're probably staring thinking there's something going on in here, don't stress it, okay I'll get going, enjoy your meal" he smiled and walked away before I could even reply. I got my food, went home, and opened my phone, and found a notification on what'sapp from Waleed.
Waleed: Believe it or not, seeing you has made my day perfect, even though it wasn't before!
Lulu: Lol, I was happy to see you too!
Waleed: I'm glad I were a reason to put a smile on your face then
Lulu: You're really good at this lol
Waleed: I try my best ;)
I then ate, did all I could of my homework, and went to sleep
Aziz hugged me, which gave me goosbumps, but I kept still "You're so adorable when you're angry" he said, still hugging me. "Aziz get off of me! For real, showing up in my house at such a late timing is not acceptable! And thinking that worrying about me is an appropriate reason to show up is also not acceptable!" I said furrowing my eyebrows at him "What if Yazeed sees you! What will he say?" I crossed my arms over my chest. He hugged me again, I tried to pull out, but he was too strong. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to check on you and that's it, chill munchkin! I'm going now" he said and gave me an easy and careless smile. "You're so cold-tempered IT'S ANNOYING!!!" I almost yelled, but he put his hand on my mouth right away and said "Shhhh! You don't wanna wake anyone up!" he laughed then kissed my cheek, which made me go crimson and blank/clueless-faced. He closed the gate slowly behind him, and I heard his car move away
I woke up at 11:00am. Stayed in bed, thinking, what's going on? Is it Waleed or is it Aziz?

I hope you liked the chapter. Please inform me in case you find any mistakes of whatever kind, I never re-read before posting... I never will give up asking for feedbacks, please tell me what you think!
Twitter|Kik: SoCalledBlogger
Ask.fm: http://ask.fm/SoCalledBlogger

Chapter 8

"Lulu?" I heard a male voice calling behind me as I was walking with Leen and Shaikha at the mall, "Did you guys hear anyone call my name?" I asked as I turned to see who it was before the girls even could answer "Oh my god Aziz!!!" I litterally almost screamed, but I didn't really care who turned to see "Heyy, how are youu? How was London mate?" I said doing the best British accent mimicking I could come up with "It was rather delightful my dear" he answered with the British accent as well "and I'm doing great, how are you?" he asked "Oh, I'm really good" I answered as I smiled, the usual moment of smiling and staring, "so, um yeah, I just saw you and wanted to say hi and so, sorry if I disturbed you" he said as he scratched the back of his neck and smiled awkwardly. "Are you kidding me! Not at all, I'm very delighted to see you" I said smiling widely then give him a slight cheek-to-cheek kiss and said "Okay, I gotta run Aziz, see you later?" and wanted to walk away but he held my shoulder and said "I'm more delighted to see you, Laura." so I turned fast to face him but he turned his head and walked to the escalator going up, so I smiled awkwardly staring at him as he was going up then walked to the girls "Is that the same Aziz you showed me?" Leen asked excitedly "Yeah" I said relaxed while smiling a confident smile. "What just happened exactly?" Leen asked suspeciously "I went to say hello, what did you see exactly?" I asked with the same facial expressions "Okay, calm down I'm sorry! He's way hotter in reality" said Leen then walked ahead of Shaikha and I.
-
"Are you sure you don't wanna sleep over?" asked Leen, her eyes begging me to say I wanna stay, as she walked me to the outer gate. "Yeah, I really need my room, enjoy you guys!" I said smiling at her "Plus, I'll see you in a few days at school, so whatever" I added before she could try convincing me further more then hugged her and opened the door to head to my car. I checked twitter, actually I opened Aziz's profile, his last tweet was "Talk about the beauty of consequences" I remembered his face for a second during the whole situation and smiled. I then plugged in my earbuds and put my music on shuffle as I layed my head back and closed my eyes just to observe the lyrics and the sound of instruments beating, getting higher, getting louder and feeling like my pulse followed them. I felt the blood moving inside of my body, refreshing me, getting warmer and warmer, till I felt it all in my face, I couldn't feel it anywhere else. "LAURAA" the driver's shouting voice interrupted indicating that we're home already, I apologised then stepped out of the car and went straight to my room, not bothering to check if anyone's there or not, I threw my abaya, handbag, and cardigan on the floor then took my flat shoes off. I switched off the lights, not bothering changing my clothes, wiping off my makeup; I just layed there on my bed, shut my eyes and replayed the songs I was listening to. The song Titanium came up. I was getting those feelings again, I felt the blood pumping in my face veins, I sat, not laying back to anything, not resting my back to anything. I let it get me, again. Rivers of tears went down my face. I didn't wipe them, I didn't move. I just stared at the dark blank and kept my tears running not caring about them. I always thought that crying helps, you know, it makes you feel better! I don't believe in that anymore, I was just crying to get rid of the extra fluids in my body, they needed to come out, so I let them! I can't live like this forever, I have school to worry about, I have social life, I have so many things to worry about, but what's there to do? I really always tried to stop this, just put an end to it, but I kind of gave up about a year and a half ago. I stopped trying. I let it get to me, affect me. I cried, hating myself, wishing I could die, just leave the world. Not knowing the reason why, but I just felt that way. "What have I done, ugh what have you done" I sobbed between tears feeling the self-hate grow bigger in my heart. I feared it'd get me to do something, I always feared I'd intentially hurt myeself one day, but I trusted god to keep me of doing that. An instrumental song came up later, and as I heard the sound of violin rising, I was starting to feel more calm and quiet, it was finally getting eased. I layed back again, set my lost head on the pillow and shut my eyes. I was trying to let sleep get me; I was still aching and crying...
"You have to focus on your studies, baby, don't let anything get in the way of your bright future, these are the finals of your senior year" "I will, you should do too, I want to see you become the best neurosergeon in the world when you graduate" "I promise you I'll do all I can, but don't forget about me! I need you, once you're done I need to see you again, okay?" he said then pulled me in for a hug not bothering to wait for my answer. "Okay" and I held on to him, allowing myself to separate my body off of reality and go into his own security, under his sheild of protection. "I love you, Laura" said Waleed as he rested his head over mine. I took a deep breath "I do too, Waleed, I do too" I answered feeling his heart beat arise next to my head.
I woke up happy cause of the dream really, I checked the time and it was 10:00am, so I got up, showered, got into a velvet blue maxi skirt and a clear white tank top, a long golden necklace and a couple of golden bracelets as well, and black sandals. I applied some light eyeshadow, and a dark red lipstick. I took a Musk perfume and sprayed it on the tips of my hair, arms, and chest. I felt good. I went downstairs to find no one, so I just decided I'd study, then suggest to mom and Yazeed we'd go out for lunch. I did all my assignments and was done by 12:30. "Someone's all dressed up! Where you going to gorgeous?" Yazeed entered the living room smiling, he had a black shirt and sweatpants on, he seemed as if he just woke up. I giggled "I was thinking we'd go out for lunch, you, mom and me!" "Doesn't sound bad at all, but call mom and see when is she coming back from work" he said then sat at the couch facing me. I called mom and told her we were going out for lunch, so she said she'd be back by 3:00. Yazeed smiled at me, so I smiled back. "Shaikha talked to me on the first day of eid" "Cute, what did she say?" "She wished me a happy year" "That's nice of her" I said "So when are you gonna like officially propose?" I asked "She told me about the incident too, but I never had time to sit and talk to you" he said then bent down and put his arms on his knees and clutched his hands and looked me straight in the eye "I don't wanna hear why you haven't told me he followed you, right when he did, I just wanna know, is he still following you, Laura?" he looked so serious, I actually was scared of him more than I were of Metib three years ago. I cleared my throat "Um, I don't know Yazeed... I'm trying to ignore him, I didn't check" Yazeed got up then sat next to me, so I turned to face him, I think it was obvious I was scared of him "Don't be tense. I'm not only your brother, I'm also your best friend, and no matter how old we both get, you know I'm always here for my baby sister Lulu" he said then sighed and went on "I want you to be comfortable telling me everything and anything, I never judge! I want you to check right now if he's still following you, and if he is just give me your phone" he said then put his hand on my shoulder. I felt paralyzed, I didn't want to go through any drama all over again! "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you, I'm sorry Lulu, I didn't know he wasn't to be trusted, I'm really sorry" said Yazeed in a whispering in a very throaty voice. Without even noticing, I felt my cheeks wetting up. His words made me even more sad. All the happiness I felt today just vanished, depression was getting the most of my life right now. Yazeed broke the silence and say "Lulu don't cry, please! I shouldn't have let you go! It's not your fault, I should have not let you go, I should have known better!" he said and I felt his eyes watering. I couldn't talk, I didn't know what to say actually, and I knew I wouldn't be able to say anything anyway. I just kept silent and stared at him. I never blamed him for anything, and I'm not mad at him, but I just couldn't talk. His tears disappeared, and his eyes were normal again "Please stop crying". I wiped my tears and looked at him "Now check" I unlocked my phone and saw he was still following me, but Mona unfollowed me. He screenshotted his profile and sent it to himself on what'sapp. "I'm gonna deal with this my own way! Now block him, and Mona if you remember her account!" He told me while opening his phone "Thank you Yazeed, I appreciate all you do and say, and I never blamed you for what happened, I don't blame anyone! It was a lesson to be learned, and I had my lesson! You're the best brother I could ever dream of having, don't blame yourself for my mistakes!" I said and smiled at him. "And you grew wise too" he said jokingly and patted on my arm. I let out a little giggle then checked the time. "It's 2:30, I'm gonna go bring my stuff so we go right away when mom comes" I said then got up and headed to my room. I fixed my makeup and put my abaya and handbag on my bed, I don't feel like going out anymore. I don't feel like socialising. I tweeted "Again, another day ruined by you." then threw my phone inside the bag. I wore my abaya and took my bag then headed to the living room downstairs and sat on the couch, waiting as usual, and as I were waiting, I kept tweeting stuff as such, indicating I was bothered. Mom came in at 3:05 and rushed to her room. Yazeed came down at 3:20, mom came at 3:35, and we finally went to Yazeed's car. "So where to?" asked Yazeed. "Where do you wanna go Lulu?" mom asked and turned around to look at me "I don't know, anywhere you guys want" I smiled. "Then let's go to Lusin Zizo" mom said to Yazeed which caused me to laugh. Yazeed's 20, and he's fully grown, but for some reason mom sees him as the same clumsy 5 year old Yazeed. "I feel better and more comfortable when I'm called Zizo than when I am called Yazeed" Yazeed said and rolled his eyes at me. We drove over to Centria and went to Lusin, had lunch, Yazeed and mom kept talking, I was mostly silent, unless they ask me about something, I'd reply with something short and not talk afterwards. I checked my phone when we were at the car and found it shut off cause it lacked battery, so I charged it as soon as we got home, but I didn't check for notifications. I got into my swimming suite, and put my hair up, went to the pool, started the bubble system, sat inside and layed my head on the floor. Waleed is so gorgeous, I wish we'd talk even more often. I love how he's always the first to answer when I ask for help. He just came out of the blue and he already means so much... He's really amazing eh! I kept thinking about how amazing and gorgeous Waleed is, and of course hoping that we'd be together one day for about 45 minutes. I finally got bored and got out of the pool, showered, got into my Smurfs onesie, and took my phone. 5 missed calls from Waleed! How in the hell do I even have his number?? 2 missed calls from Shaikha. 7 notifications from twitter. 5 from what'sapp.
I checked what'sapp first. Waleed, Shaikha, Leen, mom, Areej
Shaikha: Where are you?
Shaikha: Why aren't you answering?
Shaikha: Who ruined your day?
Lulu: Metib, I'll tell you later

Leen: What's wrong?
Lulu: Metib, I'll tell you later

Mom: Honey I'm going out for the night, ask Marie not to lock the door
Lulu: Okay

Areej: Hey you!
Areej: I missed you!
Areej: I gotta see you soon!
Lulu: Pick a time and I'll be ready!

Waleed: Lulu what's wrong?
Waleed: Why aren't you answering your phone?
Waleed: Or Twitter, or anything?
Waleed: Please talk to me as soon as you get this
Waleed: Lulu I'm getting sick worried, what's wrong?
Lulu: Um, nothing, how do I have your number?
Waleed called right away
Waleed: Lulu! Are you okay? Are you alright? Why weren't you answering? Who ruined your day?
Lulu: Whoa Waleed chill hahahah! I'm alright! I wasn't answering cause my phone shut off lacking battery, and when I got back home I left it to charge then went swimming. My day was ruined cause of the same reason it was on eid, that's it! Now tell me, how do I have your number, and how do you have mine?
Waleed: Where were you?
Lulu: Lusin
Waleed: With who?
Lulu: Interesting way for investigating! My mom and Yazeed
Waleed: Is that your brother?
Lulu: Yes, now answer me?
Waleed: Okay, I'm sorry! Remember when you gave me your phone on eid?
Lulu: I do. But who in hell gave you permession to use it?
Waleed: In my self defense, I kept it just in case if I need you or something, just like today!
Lulu: Fair enough...
Waleed: So what happened?
Lulu: Nothing I was just a little upset, nothing serious
Waleed: It is pretty serious! You're a very fun person, so when you're upset it's serious!
Lulu: How'd you know I am?
Waleed: Well, I've seen you on Shaikha's snapchat a lot, the conversations you have on twitter with your friends, the conversations we have! You're very fun!
Lulu: The conversations I have with my friends? Are you admitting you stalk me? That obsessed?
Waleed: Guilty!
He let out a short giggle
Waleed: So, we joked around and all, now can you tell me what's wrong?
Lulu: I don't want to talk about it, I'm barely going on with my day, so could we not bring that up, please?
Waleed: I'm sorry! So, what are your plans for the future?
Lulu: What do you mean?
The call went on till I fell asleep without realising it...
"Umm Lulu?" "Yeah?" I stopped helping Haifa in her colouring book and looked at Waleed then smiled. "Can I talk to you?" he said hesitating "Sure, go ahead I guess?" I was confused "I meant in private" and he pointed at the door indicating that I should follow him out, so I just walked to the door, and he suddenly ran to open the door for me "Such a gentleman, thank you!" I giggled at him, "No problem" he smiled at me, we were out alone in Mama Haya's house's garden "So? What's the thing?" I smiled and looked at him in the eye "Well, you see, I kind of like really care about you" he said again hesitating "Well, I care about you too?" I said as I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I care about you as more than a friend, I really really care about you!" "Umm, so what do you mean exactly?" I shook my head and smiled awkwardly "I want us to be more than friends, I really like you!" he said and got closer to me
My alarm went on, it was 5:15, so I got up, showered, got into my uniform, applied lip balm, set my hair in a ponytail and went to have breakfast, which is actually an orange and carrot juice and an apple. Shaikha and Leen were there to meet me by the school's gate.  

I know it's so full of drama and it's pretty depressing, but I really tried to lighten it with all the talking about Waleed and stuff. Now PLEASE give me feedbacks! I practically never get anything, I'd really appreciate it very much if you just say what you think, either you love it, hate it, think it should need more work, find something over exaggerated, anything! I welcome all opinions of all types!
Don't forget to smile <3
Twitter|Kik: SoCalledBlogger
Ask.fm: http://ask.fm/SoCalledBlogger

Chapter 7

So this chapter goes to @LamiaAbuhaimed cause she's unbelievably supportive and kind, plus she's the one who got me excited to type this, so I hope you enjoy it :] x.

"We're running late, come on Leen, you look perfect just stop applying more makeup" Shaikha was shouting, the tension really clear in her voice. "Okay okay, I'm done!" Leen ran into the room, her high heels click-clacking noisily on the ceramic floor, her hair was put into a side fishtail, her makeup was perfect. "I've been ready since 2:55, and you guys keep tricking me into thinking you're done every fifteen minutes! And in case if you haven't noticed, it's 4:45 right now, and we're pretty late.." I said whining the same way I was doing from the minute Shaikha and Leen forced me out of bed and took me to Shaikha's house after taking the dress from my room, my purse, heels, makeup bags, and phone. "Lulu, honey, do you know how to shut up or do I need to teach you? They say, either you spell a descent word or shut your mouth!" shouted the tensed Leen at me. "You look beautiful! Good enough?" I said then blinked a few times and smiled "Better." She answered then turned around and went back to Shaikha's room. Mercy god, mercy I thought to myself and prayed the girl's would finish... They were finally done by 5:10, so we went down stairs "Shaikha call your driver, come on" said Leen "No, I'm taking you guys" Bader came out of the kitchen with a cola bottle in his hand and smiled at us. "Oh, haha hi Bader" said Leen with a wide smile on her face "Hello, umm y-you look beautiful" he looked at her in the eye and smiled back, and they kept staring at each other for about a minute. "Okay we get it, you're both gorgeous now can we get going already?" I said then patted on Bader's shoulder. "Oh, yeah sure, come on" he led us to his BMW x6 2014, we were chatting, and listening to music during the 7 minutes drive to Mama Haya's house -Bader and Shaikha's grandmother- till Bader parked the car inside, so we stepped out of the car "Okay Shaikha, we're here now, can I go back yet?" I said frowning. "Lulu, shut up! I don't even know what you're tensing over, they're practically your family too! And no, we're going back to my house late too!" she said then walked away, heading to the doorway which meant we should follow her, so we did, then we entered, greeted everyone and so... Anyway, we went to some other guest room, which I supposed had the younger cousins and people around our age and so. Shaikha introduced us to the ones we haven't met... "Missed you all" Shaikha shouted once we entered the room and she went hugging everyone around, which made Leen and I stand in the form of sculptures by the door and stare quietly while smiling... "Anyway anyway anyway These are Laura Alx and Leen Alx, my closest friends as most of you know, but just in case you don't" "Hi..." Leen and I said unitely as we smiled at them. "This is Sara, Lama, Saud, Hala, and finally Waleed" each of them smiled when Shaikha said their names. I kept staring at Waleed once she said his name, he was staring back, I was staring for too long even though I realised it was wrong and rude, but I just couldn't stop staring, that even Leen said something and I just nodded even though I had no idea what she just said. I felt air pumping inside of my chest, I was breathing fast and felt so tense, I sensed the same feeling in his face too, the whole breathing part. I felt like I knew him, but I didn't know where did I ever see him. "Lulu! Lulu!" Leen poked my shoulder sounding frightened and nervous. I finally turned my head away and looked down, then at Leen "Hm?" I said, still feeling the same "Look!" she showed me something that I just couldn't read but I noticed it was my phone, "How did you take my phone?" I asked. "I told you I'm gonna check if my avatar changed or not and you nodded, what's wrong? It doesn't matter! What does Metib Alx want?" "Who's that? What are you talking about?" I took the phone and saw a tweet by Metib mentioning me "@Monax and I miss you! Follow me sweetie!" "What the hell does he even want? God, we cleared that we never wanna talk again! What on earth do they want from me?" I whispered to her as I felt a lump in my throat, so I just stormed out to the garden not caring if anyone saw me looking as messed up, but I felt two heels clacking behind me as I walked as fast as I could, then sat by the pool, holding my head in regret. "Talk to Yazeed and see what he can do! Like follow them when Yazeed's there and see what he has to say!" said Shaikha concerned, "Yeah, and if anything goes wrong at least Yazeed will be there to help right away!"added Leen. "I don't wanna deal with them! I've seriously had enough! Do you think that being in the position Mona put me in I'd ever wanna even think of it? I regret ever trusting that shame of a human Metib! I regret even wasting my time with those hideous people! I regret I ever went with her to tha..." "You don't have to just remind yourself over and over again!" Shaikha interrupted right away and sat beside me to hug me, I cried on her bare shoulder, and felt weakness breaking my heart to tiny bits and pieces, she kept patting my back and whispering "I'm here for you, I'm here for you" Leen patted gently on the back of my head and said "We're all here for you Laura, and at least you got out of it safe, so why keep remembering?" "It's so hard not to remember! I feel weak as shit, I feel so bad all the time, and I simply hate myself for just being myself! I wish I never was born! I'm such a burden to everyone!" I hardly cried out those words, Shaikha pulled out of the hug and held my arms "You never were a burden, and you never will be, to anyone! You're a blessing, god gave to the universe! I never wanna hear those words from you again! You were born to be loved, and most of all, to love yourself!" she said in a confident and firm voice. I simply replied with more crying, cause I wished I could see myself as so, then I hugged her again for just an amount of seconds then pulled out of it and wiped my tears knowing my makeup is so ruined by now "I'll go bring tissues and my makeup bag!" Leen said and walked right away. "Shaikhaa, Shaikhaaa" we heard Shaikha's baby cousin Haifa shouting, but at the other side of the house, Shaikha looked at me "It's okay, you can go, I'll wait for Leen!" I said assuring her "Are you sure?" she asked. "Of course, don't worry!" "Okay sweetie, she kissed my cheek and went. I heard footsteps, and I didn't really wanna look, cause I don't want anyone to see me like this. "Are you okay?" I heard the voice of the same guy in the dream, so I just looked up right away in shock, I saw him, but now he's a little bit taller and even more handsome in the thoub and stuff. I felt the same thing I got when I saw Waleed a few ago, until I realised it was actually Waleed in front of me, my dream guy Waleed, and Shaikha's cousin Waleed! "Omg it's you!" I said under my breath, "Excuse me?" he smiled then sat in front of me. "Uhm, nothing... What why are you here?" "I saw the girls rushing out of the house following you, and you didn't look so pleasant after what Leen said, so I just wanted to make sure, if it doesn't bother you of course, are you okay?" "Oh, um yeah, it's nothing..." I said and smiled, knowing that my red eye and melted mascara and eyeliner aren't helping in this one. "I" he said then took a deep breath then looked at me in the eye and smiled at me in a weird way then said "As you like, so what are you doing here all by yourself?" "Miss me baabiieee?" Leen's voice interrupted as she walked out of the house then suddenly stopped staring at Waleed and me. We both looked at her, then Waleed looked back at me and said "Umm, yeah, so yeah, your phone? Shaikha needs it?" "Um of course" and I handed it to him, so he smiled at me... As he walked away, I remembered it was unlocked, so he could see whatever, ughhh screw thiss!!! Leen litterally ran over beside me once he shut the door behind him "What happened???" she said smiling so wide "I gave him my phone?" I said teasing. "LULUUU!!!!! Come onn tell meee!!!" "Tell you what?" I teased further more, "Why did Waleed give me your phone? How did he take it from the first place?" Shaikha came out of the door looking confused. "I came, and they were talking and smiling at each other, look at her face all glowy and smiley!" Leen said excitedly to Shaikha, "For real??? What did you say?" "He just asked me if I were okay or not, nothing happened" and I got up. Leen pulled me back down "Ugh you're so annoying tell everything!" "There's nothing to tell, that's all that happened!" I said and pulled a straight face at them "Fine, come on let's fix that melted face" she said as she took wiped off the melted mascara and eyeliner, and re-applied face powder, concealer, eyeliner, and mascara. "Thank you!" I said then took out a lipstick and applied it cause I felt that mine faded for some reason, so we went back inside, the night went on, I kept getting the same feeling everytime Waleed's eyes and mine met, so did I feel him getting the same feeling I was getting! We went back to Shaikha's house at around 1:45, took our heels, dresses, and makeup off then got into our pyjamas since we were spending the night over. Leen and me stayed in the room and Shaikha went down to get us some night snacks and drinks and stuff. "Luluuuu" Shaikha said in a teasing voice as she came in holding the stuff in a tray. "Hm?" I smiled at her. "Guess who asked about youu?" "Who?" "I said guess!" "I don't know, will you tell me already?" "Fine, Waleed" I jumped out of my place and rushed over to take her phone, but she snatched it and put it away "You're actually that excited? Wow, you've only seen him once calm down!" she said laughing "Ufffhh come onn show meeee" I said while frowning at her "There" she handed me her phone as it showed what'sapp and the first name was Waleed, so I opened the conversation and started reading:
Waleed: Shayoukh, I wanna ask you about something please
Shaikha: Sure, what's up?
Waleed: Your friend Lulu, the one that came with you today, how long have you known her?
Shaikha: I think it's about 8 years, but we grew much closer over the past 3 years, why though?
Waleed: And how is she like? Nothing, I just wanna know
Shaikha: What do you mean?
Waleed: Like describe her personality and so?
Shaikha: She's really nice, funny, social, friendly, very strong, and confident
Waleed: Good, good...
Waleed: Does she have a twitter account?
Shaikha: Yes, it's @LuluAlx
Waleed: Thank you, my precious little cousin, I love you so much!
Shaikha: You're too obvious, anyway you're welcome boo x
I hugged her so very extremely tightly "THANK YOU!" "Uffh, all of this excitement simply cause I got him to follow you on twitter? How would you react if I hooked you up together?" Shaikha laughed "It's too early for this type of things, I'm not even ready, so shut up" I answered. "What did he saay, I wanna know?" frowned Leen, trying to take a glance of the conversation through Shaikha's phone. "He was asking about her and her personality, then he asked about her twitter account" answered Shaikha as she sat next to Leen. "Oooo, looks like someone's getting a new boyfriendd!" Leen teased. "Shut up, I don't wanna get into any relationships, one is more than enough for my age, espicially that I regret it as badly, so I don't really wanna get in any other ones." I answered and flipped my hair. "We'll see" said Shaikha as she took a bite of her chicken stuffed lettuce roll. I checked twitter to see if he followed me already or not, and saw that he did, so I followed him back right away even though I felt that that would make me seem desperate but whatever, I then tweeted "Was a beautiful day" with heart emojis and stuff. my phone buzzed, so I checked my dm's and found that Aziz dm'd me:
Aziz: I hope you'd have a joyful eid! What did you do today :D?
Lulu: Aww thank you, I hope you do too! I went to my friend's grandmother's eid gathering! What did you do?
Aziz: We had a gathering in my grandfather's farm... Did you enjoy your time?
Lulu: Oh, nice! I actually did, did you?
Aziz: Not really, I hate big gatherings they just suck out my soul
Lulu: Lol I get what you mean, I'm mostly like that, but since I had my friends with me this time, it was actually nice!
Aziz:Well, that's what matters most, princess x
Lulu: How sweet! Thank you <3
*Buzz*
Waleed retweeted: "Was a beautiful day"
Waleed: Hey
Waleed: I'm happy to know it was a nice day for you, I was still worried about the tears I saw earlier, so your tweet relieved me!
Lulu: Hello! Awww, how sweet of you! I told you not to worry though lol
Waleed: A girl saying "don't worry" means worrying 75% more...
Lulu: I'm not a girl who exaggerates, so you should believe me next time lol
Waleed: Next time? You seem so sure
Lulu: Well, can't I at least hope so?
Waleed: I'll do the praying part ;)
Lulu: Hahahah, that's good to know
Waleed: I hoped so, anyway, I don't wanna take too long, just wanted to say hi and so, enjoy your sleepover <3
Lulu: How did you know I were sleeping over :|?
Waleed: Shaikha tweeted it...
Lulu: Oh, I feel stupid hahah, okay thank you, and goodnight :]!
Waleed: You're not, goodnight x
He's so cute!
Aziz: No problem at all, goodnight now, I just wanted to wish you a happy eid, got a big day tomorrow!
Lulu: What's happening tomorrow?
Aziz: I have a flight to London, I'm going with my cousins and siblings
Lulu: Omg I envy you! Why can't I go :(? Just kidding, enjoy your stay <3
Aziz: It'd be just pleasant to have you with us, I really wish you could! Thank you <3
I didn't answer cause I didn't know what to say, plus I didn't wanna be the annoying person who keeps talking even after the other person said goodnight.
So I put my phone aside and joined the girls with their skin, hair, and nails care routines while watching Duplex and eating junk food, and the night went on...

As usual, I'm sorry for being late, but I was out of country, and I didn't have my laptop, plus I was out of ideas for the post! Pleae give me feedbacks! Your opinion in my story really matters, negative it was or positive! I didn't re-read the post, so please tell me if you find any grammar/spelling mistake!
I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to keep a smile on your beautiful faces <3!

Chapter 6

*Shaikha calling* Lulu: *mutes the phone and burries head into the pillow* *Leen calling* Lulu picks up and says: WHAT? Are you guys taking turns? What do you want? Leen: Chill! You should be thankful we are appreciative of how fucked you're feeling and we didn't take you shopping, we are just calling to tell you that we found a dress that's good for you for Shaikha's eid gathering! Lulu: *sighs* thank you tons you guys, I'm sorry, but I just don't know what's wrong with me. Leen: it's fine sweetie, we'll get it and come over, you can sleep till then, we'll wake you up when we get there! Lulu: okay, bye. Lulu called Mary and asked her to make extra for iftar. Then she started whining with herself. Yazeed came into her room cause he was hearing some weeping and just weird stuff. "Lulu, what's wrong?" "Nothing is" "come on, spit it" "I don't spit" "You're not funny" "You hurt me deep down..." "Get a life! come on, what's wrong!" "I don't know Yazeed, you remember that day?" "What day?" "I don't know why do you all act like you know nothing! I know you all remember everything, and just to let you know, acting like you know nothing doesn't make me forget anything, seriously." "Fine, I remember it, but you should just forget everything Lulu! Nothing happened!" "I can't just forget everything that simply!" "Don't then, but don't let it get to you, just move on" "I'll try Yazeed..." Yazeed hugged me and patted on my back then said "Come on, get out of your solitary dinner's served in an hour or so!" "Ok, go out" "Ouch, okay..." "Sorry, my mood is just messed up.." "it's okay love" and he gave me a peck on my cheek then went out. I went to the bathroom and took a warm shower, then let my waves dry naturally and applied a face moisturing cream and a lip balm. I wore grey sweat pants and a light see-through white top. I went downstairs and laid on the couch in front of the tv and watched disney. Leen and Shaikha came in with tons of bags. I asked Sofy to take the bags to my room. Shaikha and Leen gave me bone crushing hugs. Yazeed suddenly came in and just freaked out. It was so awkward to see him acting that way. "Um hey Shaikha, Leen" while he was only looking at Shaikha. "Hello Yazeed" smiled Leen "Hey!" smiled Shaikha as well. "Okay, I'll see you all later." said Yazeed then left. "My brother is so awkward.." I said. "I HEARD THAT" shouted Yazeed. "too awkward..."I whispered. It was time for dinner, so we headed to the table and ate, then prayed, then I tried the dress they got me, it was a maroon body-hugging short, long-sleeved dress, it was just perfect and they told me I should pair it with black high heels. I told them we'll see in two days. Leen got a puple flowy knee length dress and Shaikha got a baby pink long strapless dress. "I wanna go somewhere" I said. "Where to?" asked Shaikha "I don't know, anywhere!" "Let's just go around everywhere then" "Let's do that! YAZEEED" I shouted "WHAAT" "COME TO MY ROOM PLEASE!" He came too fast "Hm?" "Can you take us around? I need to go out!" "Where to?" "I don't know! Anywhere!" "Okay, no problem, I'll take you around places!" "Good enough, thank you" "Sure, I'll get the car, don't be late" "We're coming with you actually..." "Perfect." and he went. We went to the car, and he had the door opened, "HOW CUTE" I thought, so I went and wanted to enter then he whispered "Lulu.. Lulu! Shaikha's supposed to sit here, sorry" and he gave me the puppy eyes look. "Ouch..." and I walked to the back seat. Shaikha and Leen came then just stopped and stared probably wondering why I sat in the back seat. "HE WANTS HIS LITTLE PRECIOUS PRINCESS IN THE FRONT SEAT" I shouted in a whining tone. Shaikha blushed and giggled then went to the front seat. We kept going all around the neighbourhood, then he took us to other places, just to watch around and stuff. "I wanna go shopping" whispered Shaikha while turning her head to look at Yazeed. "Where, baby?" he whispered back and put his hand on hers. Leen and I were looking at them and holding in our laughs, they looked just too weird. "Yazeeeedd!!!" Shaikha said then poke his arm. "Just point where you wanna go and I'll take you there, even if it's in Mars!" he answered her. Leen and I both realised they didn't even care if we were there, so we just busted out laughter as they kept teasing and flirting, they didn't even notice us.. "Yazeed,  take us back" I said. "WHYYY????" he kinda shouted in a whining voice "cause I'm bored, you can sit with us back home, you wouldn't die tra!" I said "Huffff fine!" he said and changed the car track. "How about we go to my house?" asked Shaikha "I don't mind doing that!" I answered. On the way, I was checking my phone and I recieved a notification of a dm on twitter.
Aziz: "I'm coming over to your house tomorrow for iftar :D!"
Lulu: "Yazeed didn't tell me about that lol!"
Aziz: "Will you be home? Maybe he didn't think it was that important to share?"
Lulu: "I guess, yeah probably!"
Lulu: Yazeed, is Aziz coming to our house tomorrow? Yazeed: Yeah, I invited him, why? Lulu: He just dm'd me and told me, so I was just making sure, nevermind! Yazeed: Oh. Leen leaned closer to me and asked: is he good looking? Lulu: I think so, look, and I showed her his picture on twitter that showed him in front of a pool looking at his friend, so it showed his left side, he was smiling, his head was slightly shaved, and his friend was in the pool. Leen: pretty prettyy!! Lulu: I guess haha.
Aziz: "Well then, will I see you?"
Lulu: "Hopefully!"
Aziz: "Great! See you then haha :D x!"
Lulu: "Yeah lol :]"
The day passed by quietly. I went back home at 1:30. I slept after my every night thinking routine. I woke up at 2:00, I showered and let my waves dry naturally, I did the same as yesterday, but I wore jeggings and a tie-dye bright shirt, and sandals. then went downstairs. Yazeed: "Aziz is coming in an hour" Me: "Okay?" Yazeed: "Are you gonna stay with us?" Me: "No, I'm gonna lock myself up in my room! If you're staying here, yes, if not, then no!" Yazeed: "Okay" Me: "Btw, he looks younger than you! How are you guys friends?" Yazeed: "He's 17, his cousin was my friend when since we were 8, Aziz was 5, and his cousin died when I became 12, so Aziz and I became friends!" Me: "Oh". We were watching tv till Yazeed's phone rang. "Hello? Oh yeah sure I'm coming" and he went. Then Yazeed came in while Aziz followed him. "Heyy!!!" Aziz suddenly shouted. I stood to say hi, he seemed a bit too excited he was gonna hug me, I just gave my hand for a handshake, so it was awkward. I took his hand, and kissed his cheek in a form of welcoming. He giggled then sat on a chair nearby mine. He was talking with Yazeed and me, he's pretty cheerful. We ate and he stayed till 12, before he left he said "You guys should come over yo my house some time, I really enjoyed my time today, thank you!" "We're glad you did, and we enjoyed our time too, definitely!" answered Yazeed and gave him a quick hug. "That would be really fun!" I said and decided to give him a fast brother/sister hug this time. I recieved a notification from twitter of being mentioned. "Thank you @LuluAlx and Yazeed, you guys are amazing :D <3" I retweeted it. He dm'd me: You look gorgeous! All grown and stuff haha! Me: Lol, so do you, thanks :] x. We talked till I was sleepy so I told him I'll just sleep. I woke up to find two new followers notification. The two I wished to forget the most. The two I regret ever meeting. MetibAlx just followed you. Monax just followed you.

As usual, I'm late, so I'm sorry for that, but long chapters for posting late? I'm sorry that it isn't exciting, but just bare up with me to find out more in the upcoming chapters. Again I'm sorry, and I love you guys, I hope you enjoyed :] xx

Chapter 5

"So what do you exactly want Lulu?" said the magically handsome guy who was holding my hand. "I don't know, Waleed. Really, I just don't know! I mean, I love you! I really do, but I can't seem to get this whole thing! I don't know what's with my brain! I'm sorry.. I wasn't planning for things to happen this way. I hope you'd find a person who'd appreciate you more in the future, I hope you believe I seriously do! And, um... Yeah, that's it I guess" I answered then looked at the mysterious guy in the eye. "Well Lulu, if you want us apart, you'll get what you want, but just remember and always know, nobody will ever love you as much as I do!" He said then pulled me in for a hug, I rest my head on what seemed to be the usual spot where I do... It was like I always rest my head on his masculine chest... It felt warm, just the perfect amount of warmth that gives you the feeling of security you need...
"Lulu.. Lulu.. Luluu wake up, we're going to grandma's" whispered Yazeed while slowly shaking my shoulder. "Hmmm, what'ya want? Why are we going?" I asked him while trying to open up my eyes.. "Cause iftar is over there, and you asked me to wake you up 3 hours before so you'd get ready, come on!" answered Yazeed as he got up and shut my room's door behind him. I grabbed my phone and checked for updates and notifications, nothing interesting enough.. I got up, showered and stuff then straightened my hair, thought about the mysterious guy in the dream... I had to know who he is, and what's he talking about... Afterwards, I decided to wear a a navy blue dress that went to almost half of my leg and was half-arm sleeved too if it's right to say, and paired it with metallic silver neckelaces and flat shoes.. I applied a very thick coat of mascara and a thin winged liner, nude beige lipstick. I went downstairs and sat on the couch in the living room waiting for Yazeed and my mom. They were finally done half an hour later, so we went to Yazeed's car, and we got to grandma's like fifteen minutes later.. It felt awkward, having to see them without dad, and of course seeing them after two years and stuff... We went in, and everyone was there, so we started saying hello to everyone and stuff, and of course everyone was like "Oh wow, look at you all grown!" and I only replied with a smile. I sat at a couch a bit away cause I wasn't really up for talking to anyone, I was looking at the ground most of the time and just thinking... Every bit of my life have crossed my mind that hour... I was so soaked into thinking, I couldn't hear anyone anymore... What have I done in my life to become this? I asked myself... What happened to the most lively and excited person I was three years ago? This isn't maturity... Maturity isn't dying.. What happened? I can't find a reason.. I'm sick of life, I'm sick of people, I'm sick of everything... When have I become this? I was just too soaked in, I didn't realise Salma or Najla were calling me. I just couldn't realise anything... "LAURA!!!" Salman finally shouted and poke my shoulder, which caused me to jump out of my place and go back. "What? What happened? What's wrong" I asked startled. "You have issues" laughed out Najla "You do! We've been calling you for over a minute, and you were just staring into the ground" added along Salman while laughing as well. "Oh haha, yeah sorry..." I said then forced a smile. "Come on, the food is ready and they want us all in" said Najla. "Okay, thank you!" I said and got up to walk with them into the dining room. We were done, and we headed back home at about 1am, I got into my room right away and took off the accessories, dress, shoes.. Then wiped off the makeup, got into a pair of purple boxers, and wore it with a black tank top, lift my hair into a messy bun, shut the lights off and drowned into an endless tornado of thoughts.. What would have happened if I haven't ran away that night? What would have happened if I stayed and it actually occurred? Would I be the same as I am now, or would I be more depressed? Would it be the same if I got to that place from the first place? Would I be like this if nothing ever happened? Why can't I know the answers for the stuff I wonder about? Life is too much... I thought as the tears floated on my pillow, it wasn't something unusal to me, I've grown pretty used to it, so.. I got a drink of water, set the alarm to before Al Fajr prayer with ten minutes, and slept...
"Waleed! What are you doing here?" "I couldn't wait longer Laura, I really love you! I wanna be married to you, and see little babies that look like you and call me dad! I'm really in love with you Laura! Please understand this!" said he while looking at me with his wide hazel brown eyes full of tears ready to fall. "Awe Waleed, you know I love you too! What's wrong Waleed? Why are your eyes so full of tears.. Waleed?" "I want us married, now!" he said then came closer to me, "So will you marry me?" "What? What do you mean?" I looked at his eyes, they spoke of love and gentleness.. There was a moment of silent mouths and speaking eyes.. "Yes Waleed! I would! Of course I would, go ask my father! It has to be a proper and traditional proposal!" the look on his face was something I'd never see! "YES! I love you more than anything and anyone! Lulu you'll never regret this! I'll make you happiest woman that ever lived on earth! Thank you so much"
"Beep, beep, beep" the alarm started. I shut it off, got a drink of water right away, then went to get ready for prayer... Who's Waleed? Was all I could think of..

Hello guys! I know, finally I'm done with the chapter lol, I'm really sorry for being this late! I wished I've written it earlier, but I sadly couldn't, so there you are, I hope you've enjoyed it :] xx
If you found any grammar/spelling mistakes, please tell me on:
Twitter: @SoCalledBlogger / Ask.fm: http://ask.fm/SoCalledBlogger / or comment. Thank you.